June 5, 2009

my life in a nursing home

today was my last day at john knox village. it was bittersweet. i just celebrated my three year anniversary [officially making it my longest lasting job to date] and though the job has had its share of annoyances over the years, it also provided many fond memories.

i will miss my residents. i will miss the way they make me laugh and the sweet things they say. i'll miss they way they will sing and dance with you when they're in a good mood. i might even miss the way they make mean faces and occasionally shout at you when they're cranky.

funny things happen when you work with older people and i kept track of some of the best stories in a document titled "my life in a nursing home". i've shared some fun memories and funny stories in the past, and in honor of my last day, would like to amuse you with a sampling of the conversations that occur with our beloved residents...

me: would you like to hear some keyboard music today?
bill: what?
me: would you like to hear keyboard music?
bill: i can't understand what you're saying.
me: keyboard music.
bill: i should take a laxative.
me: okay then.

amber: robert, are you a veteran?
robert: yes
amber: what branch did you serve in?
robert: i don't know
amber: i heard that you served in the army
robert: that's definitely not true.
[editors note: it actually is true]

joyce: look what the bird did today
[shows me where the bird pooped on the back of her shirt]
me: gross
alberta: what happened?
me: ruby made a mess on joyce's shirt
alberta: you should just shoot it

amber: frank, would you like some fruit?
frank: no, i would like a suppository.

me: how's it going marie?
marie: well, i made it out of the den of iniquity.
me: great!

amber: lucille, i hear it's your birthday this month, what day is it?
lucille: june 23
amber: oh that's great, how old will you be?
lucille: well my sister will be 23. 
amber: oh wow, that's young. how old will you be?
lucille: i'll be 123...i think that's right. i don't know how to count anymore, it gets harder every day.

vivian rolls into our activity meeting, looks at amber and says: did you lose your pants? because i think someone left them on my bed.

mary: and your name is?
dia: dia
mary: zia?
dia: yep.
mary: and your last name?
dia: claxton
mary: casing? zia casing? are you sure that's your name?

1 comment:

Anonymous said...

Too funny! We lived in an old folks home while Tom was in seminary. These stories reminded me of our sweet time there... and the hilarious stories. :)

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