our ordinary time

a long, long time ago i was telling a friend what i liked about donald and i distinctly remember that one of the things i mentioned was that he did his very favorite things almost every day. if i were to dream up the perfect day or the perfect week it would involve a lot of activities that you just can't realistically insert into everyday life. taking a trip. going to the beach. having a big party with all my far flung friends. dancing. camping. some of my ideas are more accessible than others, but overall most of my activities are pretty lofty. donald on the other hand would list more everyday activities in his perfect day. watching his favorite movies. eating pizza. playing cards. fantasy football. these are things he can [and does] do on a fairly regular basis. i've always admired that about him.

while i definitely still have lofty dreams of a 'perfect day' crammed with as many wonderful things as possible, i think i am getting better at enjoying the little things in the everyday. sometimes it's just a matter of remembering that some of the things i love the most actually can be incorporated in to a regular day. like swimming and jigsaw puzzles and dancing around the living room. 

i haven't blogged as much in the past year or so. there seems to be less 'big flashy things' and more boring grown up things...like full time jobs and a new roof. but it's still a whole heap of wonderful. at church on sunday we were reminded and encouraged to simply enjoy life where we are. throughout life we will all have low seasons of grief and high seasons of great joy. these are both good and they are both gifts from the Lord. but most of our time is spent in the in-between. the regular everyday living.

in the church calendar there is a season called ordinary time. in a very basic explanation, the church year starts with advent. a high season of great hope, peace, joy and love. it's a time filled with laughter and cheer. not long after advent ends, the season of lent begins. this is a somber time of remembering. it's the low. and then of course easter morning brings the celebration of the greatest news of all. it's like a roller coaster of emotions over those four to five months. there are ups and downs. but eventually we enter ordinary time. it's a time to rest for our souls. i feel like this season of our life is our ordinary time. we enjoy each other. we enjoy the time we spend with our family and our friends. we love and enjoy our church. and life is good. we are blessed.

"so i concluded there is nothing better than to be happy and enjoy ourselves as long as we can. and people should eat and drink and enjoy the fruits of their labor, for these are gifts from God. and i know that whatever God does is final. nothing can be added or taken from it. God's purpose is that people should fear him." [ecclesiastes 3:12-14]

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i heard the bells

today is the fourth sunday of advent. the fourth sunday of expectantly waiting for the coming King. his hope. his peace. his love. his joy. 

earlier this month at church i was re-introduced to a well known christmas carol. i learned that the song we now know as "i heard the bells on christmas day" was originally a poem penned by henry wadsworth longfellow entitled "christmas bells". henry wrote this poem in the midst of personal tragedy. his oldest son had been severely injured in the civil war, and his wife had died unexpectedly when her dress caught fire and they were unable to extinguish it. in short, things were not going well.

the fourth verse says this:

and in despair i bowed my head
“there is no peace on earth,” i said,

“for hate is strong and mocks the song

of peace on earth, good will to men.”

but then...the bells rang again.  

then pealed the bells more loud and deep:
“God is not dead, nor doth he sleep;

the wrong shall fail, the right prevail

with peace on earth, good will to men.”

at the end of that service, we were invited to come to the front where we rang a large bell. with each clang we were reminded that no matter how dark the days, God is there. he is not dead. he does not sleep. and he is our peace.

this year, peace has been a bit of a challenge for me. perhaps it's because planning a wedding in essentially three months does not naturally lend itself to being a peaceful experience if you're an artistic, type-a like myself. i'm working on it. and in the meantime, i have this song playing on repeat.

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lent: reflection

i tried to spend some of this time during lent just reflecting. focusing and fixing my thoughts on things that matter. i even complied a lenten playlist. as i thought about who God is, i gradually came up with a list of characteristics i really appreciate. i complied some of my favorites into this little painting...

it's obviously not an all encompassing list. just some of the things that make me smile when i think about our God and how good He is.

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lent: repentance

"lent is a season that reminds us to repent

and get our lives centered, our priorities

straight, and our hearts clean."

lauren winner

repentance is often associated with lent. it means 'to rethink things'. it is a change of thought to correct a wrong and gain forgiveness. in a season of reflection, it stands to reason that we would take time to step back and rethink how we live. to examine our faith for the purpose of deepening our commitment to Christ.

at the beginning of lent there was a table at our church filled with stones. we were invited to chose one to take to carry with us throughout the week. it became a symbol of a hard place in our heart, a place waiting for God's touch.

i already knew what the rock represented for me. it's something that has been on my mind for awhile. for me, repentance also included the need for confession. the simple act of acknowledging my sin to another human being. it was scary and it was hard. but it was oh so freeing.

"finally, i confessed all my sins to you

and stopped trying to hide my guilt.

i said to myself, 'i will confess

my rebellion to the Lord.' and

you forgave me! all my guilt is gone."

psalm 32:5

today i carried my stone back to church and and released it into the water of the baptismal font. the water easily covered the stone, like grace so easily covers me.

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lent: being still

solitude. silence. peace. these are good things. things i appreciate. things i enjoy. but for some reason, i rarely make time for them. the lure of surfing the internet, mindless television or just plain busyness always seem to override my best intentions.

during lent i am making an effort to slow down. to rearrange my schedule and set aside a bit of time each day to be quiet. i've figured out that the best time of day for me is right when i get home from work. before i turn on the computer or get sucked into all the little 'things' that take up my time.

i sit down by the window and light a candle. at the minimum my routine consists of reading the scripture for the week (from my church's lent guide) and reading a piece of liturgy from the ash wednesday service (see below). some days i linger, taking extra time to read, pray or just sit and think. other days i just do my readings and go on with the day. either way, i am loving this discipline. taking a moment to be calm, to correct my thoughts and to focus on what is really important.

most merciful God, father of our Lord Jesus Christ,

we confess that we have sinned in thought, word and deed.

we have not loved you with our whole heart, mind and strength.

we have not loved our neighbor as ourselves.

we have not forgiven others, as we have been forgiven.

Lord, have mercy.

we have been deaf to your call to serve, as Christ served us.

we have not been true to the mind of Christ.

we have grieved your Holy Spirit.

Lord, have mercy.

we confess to you Lord all our past unfaithfulness;

the pride, hypocrisy and impatience of our lives.

Lord, have mercy.

our self-indulgent appetites and ways,

and our exploitation of other people.

Lord, have mercy.

our anger at our own frustration

and our envy of those more fortunate that ourselves.

Lord, have mercy.

our intemperate love of worldly goods and comforts

and our dishonesty in daily life and work.

Lord, have mercy.

our negligence in prayer and worship

and our failure to commend the faith that is in us.

Lord, have mercy.

accept our repentance Lord for the wrongs we have done,

for our blindness to human need and suffering,

and our indifference to injustice and cruelty.

accept our repentance, Lord.

for all false judgments, for uncharitable thoughts

towards our neighbors and for our prejudice

and contempt towards those who differ from us.

accept our repentance, Lord.

for our waste and pollution of your creation

and our lack of concern for those who come after us.

accept our repentance, Lord.

restore us, good Lord, and let your anger depart from us.

favorably hear us, for your mercy is great.

accomplish in us the work of your salvation,

that we may show your glory in the world.

by the cross and passion of your Son our Lord,

bring us with all your saints to the joy of his resurrection.

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lent: self denial

alternatively titled the rice and beans experiment.

a month or so ago i was blog surfing and came across the story of a family who took a one month challenge to eat beans and rice for dinner every night. they donated their grocery savings to help build a well that will provide water for some of the one billion people on the planet without access to clean drinking water. the idea sounded intriguing to me. for one, i kind of like beans and rice. when we visit project manuelito in honduras, i'm usually a little envious of the plates of rice and beans that the kids often eat. (they feed us more 'american' food...it's a cultural thing) i was also drawn to the aspect of self denial and the opportunity to remember how blessed i am.

i tossed the idea around a bit and decided to make it a part of lent as a tangible way to disrupt my normal routine. once a day i eat rice and beans for my meal. i occasionally add some fruit on the side or something for dessert, but they are always the main dish.

the thing with this discipline is that it all sounds very poetic at first. moderation. unity. solidarity with the poor. a mutiny against excess. it is magical. for like three days. then it gets old.

i honestly didn't think i would get tired of this meal so fast. i'm a pretty simple eater. i don't usually mind bland food (in moderation apparently). it is nice having so many of my meals planned out ahead of time. but it is so unappetizing. a few times i've considered just skipping a meal instead of having to partake of them one more time. arguably, i am new at the whole cooking rice and beans thing and it took me awhile to get the proportions down. those little side dishes i'm allowing are sometimes the only thing keeping me sane.

even so, i'm pressing on. i remember a quote from the blog of the family that ate this for a month, "i mean, really, who am i to complain about eating rice and beans when there are millions of people who would be beyond thankful to know that they were getting rice and beans every night? who am i to think i deserve more than rice and beans?" i can tell you one thing, it has made me much more grateful for the food i do have. it is a small sacrifice among my many blessings, to remind me of His great sacrifice.

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thoughts on lent

i grew up in a pretty traditional church. we sat in pews, sang music from hymnals, listened to reverend klingerman preach from an actual pulpit in full robe and stoll, and each week we recited the apostles creed. we also celebrated the season of lent. the cross was draped with a purple cloth and we had a mid-week service from ash wednesday to passion week.

i honestly can't tell you much about the service itself. the only thing i remember is that they took song requests. i always tried to pick mine ahead of time so i could be the first one with my hand in the air when they started calling for hymn numbers. also, we had a potluck dinner in fellowship hall each of those weeks...always a good time.

we moved to a different church when i was in high school and the season of lent, with the exception of palm sunday and good friday, was kind of forgotten. a few years ago it began to resurface around me. i started attending ash wednesday services and learning more about what it lent really means. i've grown to love the hauntingly beautiful phrase spoken during the imposition of the ashes..."remember that you are dust, and to dust you shall return".

i don't feel like i'm very "good" at lent. some days i'm contemplative. other days i go through the whole day without ever pausing to think or be quiet. i've never even given up chocolate...which i'm pretty sure is the leading lenten sacrifice. one year i gave up tv after 10pm (i had a slight addiction to the king of queens). most years i don't give up anything. this year, instead of giving something up, i've chosen a few things to be intentional about. in a season that is meant for repentance, preparation, reflection, discipline and self-denial, i've come up with some practical ways to participate in these things. we'll see how it goes. i'm trying not to be my typical type-a self that agonizes over the 'rules' and details of it all. instead i just want to be more mindful of what is really important, and to accept the Lord's invitation to..."come back to me, with all of your heart".

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