this is a stick-up

last friday my super fabulous friends at john knox threw me the going away party of the century. it all started when i came back to the office after serving lunch to the residents and amber jumped out at me shouting, "this is a stick-up! don't say anything...do what i tell you!"

this is me being surprised/frightened

i followed her to the parking lot where i was blindfolded and told to put on a large shirt, which i couldn't look at. we drove for what felt like a long time, while amber continuously shouted [and yes, i do mean shouted] trivia questions at me, which were based on the various funny things that have happened at my job during the past three years. when we finally arrived at our destination and the blindfold was removed, i was greeted by the rest of my co-workers and a big sign welcoming me to my "i quit my job shower". [editors note: i had recently been lamenting about always throwing baby and bridal showers and never getting one, so they were really granting a wish]

not only did they feed me, which most people know is super exciting for me, they literally did shower me with a LOT of great gifts! i still can't believe how generous they are!

[in case you can't read it, the shirt says "today i quit my job at john knox village] thanks ladies...you're the best coworkers a girl could ever ask for.

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my life in a nursing home

today was my last day at john knox village. it was bittersweet. i just celebrated my three year anniversary [officially making it my longest lasting job to date] and though the job has had its share of annoyances over the years, it also provided many fond memories.

i will miss my residents. i will miss the way they make me laugh and the sweet things they say. i'll miss they way they will sing and dance with you when they're in a good mood. i might even miss the way they make mean faces and occasionally shout at you when they're cranky.

funny things happen when you work with older people and i kept track of some of the best stories in a document titled "my life in a nursing home". i've shared some fun memories and funny stories in the past, and in honor of my last day, would like to amuse you with a sampling of the conversations that occur with our beloved residents...

me: would you like to hear some keyboard music today?

bill: what?

me: would you like to hear keyboard music?

bill: i can't understand what you're saying.

me: keyboard music.

bill: i should take a laxative.

me: okay then.

amber: robert, are you a veteran?

robert: yes

amber: what branch did you serve in?

robert: i don't know

amber: i heard that you served in the army

robert: that's definitely not true.

[editors note: it actually is true]

joyce: look what the bird did today

[shows me where the bird pooped on the back of her shirt]

me: gross
alberta: what happened?
me: ruby made a mess on joyce's shirt

alberta: you should just shoot it

amber: frank, would you like some fruit?

frank: no, i would like a suppository.

me: how's it going marie?

marie: well, i made it out of the den of iniquity.

me: great!

amber: lucille, i hear it's your birthday this month, what day is it?

lucille: june 23

amber: oh that's great, how old will you be?

lucille: well my sister will be 23. 

amber: oh wow, that's young. how old will you be?

lucille: i'll be 123...i think that's right. i don't know how to count anymore, it gets harder every day.

vivian rolls into our activity meeting, looks at amber and says: did you lose your pants? because i think someone left them on my bed.

mary: and your name is?

dia: dia

mary: zia?

dia: yep.

mary: and your last name?

dia: claxton

mary: casing? zia casing? are you sure that's your name?

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the life of a fifties housewife

amber, one of my good friends from work, is getting married in a few weeks so today we threw her a bridal shower. she really wants to be a fifties housewife so we made that the theme of the party! we all wore aprons and i made these fun centerpieces for the tables...

opening gifts

dia . amber . shelly

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i just love birthdays

laugh if you'd like, but happy half birthday to me! that's right, today i turned 29 1/2. normally there is not a whole lot of fanfare surrounding my half birthday, aside from me announcing it to whoever i happen to come in contact with that day [and my wonderfully appeasing mom sending me a card], but today was a different story. and it is, after all, a pretty important half. i was working at john knox and when i came back into the office from serving lunch i was showered with confetti and streamers as amber yelled "happy half birthday!" it was a delightful surprise, complete with balloons and a bag of popcorn. the residents i work with are great [and often amusing], but my co-workers entertain my crazy ideas and are equally fun!

and just because i like to show off my friends, here's a picture from last fall when we celebrated the 80th birthday of our faithful and fabulous volunteer carol.

shelly . amber . carol . dia

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my funny old friends

you never know what's going to happen when you're spending time with my funny old friends. this conversation occurred today over lunch:

frances: did you see the tv today?

me: no, why?

frances: i won a big prize.

me: you did!?!? what did you win?

frances: a cadillac convertible

me: wow...that's a really big prize, what are you going to do with a car?

frances: give it to my son.

me: what color is the car?

frances: white

me: did you win it on a game show?

frances: yes, the "#1 big show"

me: wow, that's really great!!

frances: i also won an animal.

me: you did? what kind?

frances: a buffalo

me: what in the world are you going to do with a buffalo?

frances: i don't know...do you want it?

me: no, i don't have a place for a buffalo.

frances: i was going to give it to my other son, but his landlord won't let him keep a buffalo.

i love old people.

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